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MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Yes, Christmas is over but as long as I feel the cold weather, and am still enjoying the holidays, everyday is a Christmas day to me. I thank God for Christmas for all of what it stands for.

On a totally random note, I started listening to music eversince I was a baby. I knew my life was never without music at any point, even though the type of music almost always changed. But even though I loved music, I've never considered myself a music enthusiast or anything like that. To me, music appealed to me and in giving back I appreciated it. Our relationship treaded on the lines of giving and appreciating. And I kept it that way, simple but contented.

You know how there are so many types of music in this world and how each of them mean to you?

There are those purely for fun and entertainment and dance. Those with really nice dance beats to groove to, those which can instantly perk up your day or inject it with some oomph needed for us to survive through our day. These singers are important because they are like 'soma' fixes that get us through life. And sometimes I admit there are days where I would just rely on an overdose of soma fixes just to pull me through the day.

Then there are those songs which play on particular emotions, like either purely sadness or angst. Emo songs as they would call it brought me through one phase in my life. Thinking back its rather embarrassing that I dwelled on such songs and actually related to its proclamations about how life sucks and living is worse off than dying. You know how most of us got through our teenage years with these songs and when you've actually grown out of it, you wonder with bemusement why you even felt that way you ever did.

Angsty teenage songs are really good form of releases though. They are cathartic, (i still listen to them), and less fatalistic and depressing. On the contrary, sometimes it feels really good to listen to such songs because you can get things off your chest with someone else doing the screaming for you. And of course beyond that you start appreciating how screaming and singing can sync harmoniously next to each other when they seem like opposite ends of a spectrum.

Then there are those songs which always make you feel like you're on vacation, or sitting somewhere at a nice cafe sipping on a nice cuppa coffee. I listen to those when it's raining or when I'm at home and there's nothing else to do. It's one of those relaxing moments, and you start reflecting on your life or things around you. I appreciate that feeling a lot.

However, as much as all these songs have impacted me one way or another, there are still those songs or singers which impacts you on a whole different level. Some songs which just touches you straight through your heart. Some songs which you know you somehow can't feel the same way as you would with other songs. And usually, it's not only the songs which plays an important role in making me feel this way but also the people behind the songs. I look up to them with some form of respect as artistes who love what they're doing and they show it, not in some put up flashy manner with the intention to show off, but just as themselves, purely them doing what they love and sharing it with everyone. I really admire them because they can be so comfortable with themselves, their own identity and people identify them as humans, as one of us, as something raw and real. They have the ability to melt all skepticisms about their credibility as artistes and being of one of those entertainers. I look up to Jason Mraz a lot, because he's just so soulful and earth loving that you wonder if he would be reborn as a na'vi descendent in 2154. He writes his own songs from his own experiences from travelling and touring and seeing the world. He appreciates really the simple things in life. There is so much soulfulness in him that it might even be infectious. Love that guy. DBSK made me feel this way too. I guess there's lots of things to say against them ( that they don't write their own songs, they're all about looks etc etc) but I respect their craft as purely singers. I guess it's one thing to sing a song and another thing to be a singer. When they sing, they make you feel. It's not just technicalities, but emotions. I would love to go to their Tokyo Dome concert one day, let's just pray we all have a chance to watch it in the future. :)









Makes me feel like prancing around in my reindeer ears.


Once again, HAPPY CHRISTMASU!

WOOHOO I welcome the recess week with open arms! Not so much actually since its alr day 2 and I haven't started mugging for my paper at all. Bad Bad Me.

Twins asked me a question the other day: Do you crave for balance and stability in your life or adventure and chaos? 
My question was: Why can't I have both? The funny thing about life is it is neither fixedly stable nor chaotic. Since nothing is ever permanent, I suppose the best way to live your life really is to just live for the moment and to look forward to the future. I can't deny that I crave balance pretty badly and I have a OCD like tendency to want to 'right' things, to keep things on the right track. But really what's a life without risk and fun sometimes? I love both mundanity and chaos. I guess that's balance too.




The past few weeks I've been doing video editing for my cyberart module. It sort of reignited my urge for artistic appreciation. :D 
This video btw is so awesome! I wish I could do something like that for cyberart. But I guess its pretty impossible in 2 weeks. I'm just craving for some cupcakes and donuts now.... :)

Btw, have you seen this? Tablo is so silly! I can't believe he is almost 30 and going to be a dad soon. I love his OMG look. So classic and cackling inducing! 


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Alright, I'm just waiting for Krispy to wake up so we can go eat lunch together. She's like a dead log right now and I wish I could show you a pic of her sleeping (if you get what I mean). Heh. WAKE UP KRISPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I knocked over a bowl of duck rice soup on a woman today. Okay, let me rephrase that. A woman got spilled by my soup today. The scenario was that she was standing in the middle of my path and moved backwards all of a sudden and because I couldn't duck in time, she banged into my tray of duck rice. The soup, well, got spilled onto her. Okay maybe I should've at least said 'excuse me'. 
 
I was shocked when the soup splashed onto her back. Then she had to turn around and say 'sorry sorry I didn't see you behind me.' Because I was stumped, I apologised profusely in return. And suddenly, her expression changed. She became ANGRY. Er.... Maybe I shouldn't have apologised at all. Because apologising made it seem it was entirely my fault. Which got me thinking... If I had instead not apologise and just said 'erm your shirt', would she have reacted differently? If I was a tall, handsome and physically attractive young man (possibly caucasian or spoke with an american accent cos american accent always sounds friendly for some reason) would she have easily forgiven me?

From now on I shall stop being apologetic for things that are not my fault.

Which brings to mind an incident a long time ago where this woman banged into me and I actually said 'sorry'. And she even clicked her tongue in frustration.

No this shouldn't be the reason apologies are for. Apologies are for the other party to accept, forgive and forget.

I feel rather victimised in such situations. Like what Jun will sing (according to the tune of apologise by One republic and adding her own interpretation of the song), "There's no need to apologise, there's no need~~~ eh eh eh"

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On a side note, I was in the mood for Paramore's 'when it rains' today. (heh maybe cos of the weather) But I like the lyrics la. Pretty relatable in many ways.

And when it rains
On this side of town it touches, everything
Just say it again and mean it
We don't miss a thing
You made yourself a bed
At the bottom of the blackest hole (blackest hole)
And convinced yourself that
It's not the reason you don't see the sun anymore

And oh, oh, how could you do it?
Oh I, I never saw it coming
Oh, oh, I need the ending
So why can't you stay
Just long enough to explain?

And when it rains
Will you always find an escape?
Just running away
From all of the ones who love you
From everything
You made yourself a bed
At the bottom of the blackest hole (blackest hole)
And you'll sleep 'til May
And you'll say that you don't want to see the sun anymore

And oh, oh, how could you do it?
Oh I, I never saw it coming
And oh, oh, I need the ending
So why can't you stay just long enough to explain?

Take your time
Take my time

Take these chances to turn it around (take your time)
Take these chances, we'll make it somehow
And take these chances to turn it around (take my...)
Just turn it around

Oh, how could you do it?
Oh I, I never saw it coming
Oh, oh, how could you do it?
Oh I, I never saw it coming
Oh, oh, how could you do it?
Oh I, I never saw it coming
Oh, oh I need an ending
So why can't you stay
Just long enough to explain?

You can take your time, take my time

As a forever conflicted individual with tough decisions to make, I have battled my own demons, insecurities and doubts in my brain, reasoned with facts and logic, weighed all the pros and cons, re-weighed all the pros and cons, listened to my heart and mind (which unfortunately is nomu(very) unstable and fickle), flipped coins a gazillion times, prayed hard for an answer, asked for advice and finally came to conclusion. Yes, FINALLY. I guess no matter what I choose, where I go, I am bound to have regrets. But I hope that in the end I will end up doing what I like and living a life that is fulfilling and meaningful.

I'm constantly in doubt of myself, my ability. Whether I have enough passion to pull through a course which requires a LOT of passion and hard work and of course potential. I don't want my interest and passion to become something that I will have to slog for because I am afraid I will lose my sense of meaning in my life. Maybe because I want it to be my constant, hence I decided against getting a degree for it. Because somehow with a label stuck onto me comes expectations, and expectations becomes pressure and pressure may eventually kill my passion and interest. I know I'm being so hatefully practical at this point but I do admire people who go all out for their passion cos I think they are bold, courageous and well deserving of their gift and talent. But after thinking it through, the fact that I have the slightest doubt about my abilities shows that I'm just not ready to take that step yet. I mean come on la, in Singapore how many people get to fully pursue what they like? There isn't even any funding or platform to pursue interests in the Arts and going overseas requires lots of money, like LOTS of money. I hate being so realistic and practical but I can't be living in my own bubble of reality all the time. Ya well, my decision to give it up doesn't mean I will stop liking art or stop doing it. I just decided that Art shall become my place of refuge, my solace, my space and that is how it will become my constant in my life. I want to be an artist of my own accord. And when I'm ready, I'll join in the wagon. I really thank the people though who accepted me in ADM. I guess they believed in me more than I had believed in myself.  Right now is all about being practical and surviving. Its funny how even at this age of wealth and abundance, people still worry about their means of survival.

So yea.. I'm ready to confirm my placement. Yes, I'm going to click that damn button. AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

OMG I CLICKED IT. YES IT'S DONE.

Ok I'm off to video watching now. 2pm's chansung has become my source of amusement lately. He is just so silly or rather silly things always happen to him.


5.08: Made me choke on my cheapo instant kimchi soup til I cried cos the spicy went up to my nose.

Yes I know, I'm a bit slow in watching videos but hey I was busy working and earning money ok. 

 

DISCLAIMER: THIS BLOG IS DEAD... WELL NOT YET.

So sorry about the looong loooong hiatus. It's been so long that I've posted an entry that I even forgot my password. Hah..Yes. I've been working my ass off these days at a good old FnB outlet. But I'm happy to inform ya that tmr will be my final day at work! WOOT! I('m quite proud of myself actually and surprised that I managed to stay for a month *BEAMS*. LOL.

I'm quite ashamed at my very very late response. OMG call myself a fan.


Hope his leg recovers soon!!! And he'll be able to sing 'STAND UP!' on his two feet! :D

This is random but  내 가슴은 매우 않좋아. I'm overwhelmed by this depressing aura surrounding me lately. Shit happens. OOO and Thank You astrid and bab for keeping teerotic alive :D Hyung can sometimes be such a lousy hyung.

Oohrighty! That's all for now, I've been stuck on 2NE1 lately. cool stuff! till then~

I turned 19 two days ago. Good news is I have a little bit more freedom now! Bad news its just two short years before I become an adult :(
But like I always like to think "We're never too old to feel young at heart!"

Blue jazz cafe. That was where I celebrated birthday with my frens :) Thanks guys for the nice little gathering and dinner! It was nice chilling out on the comfy sofas and snacking on calamari and milkshakes! (even though I dropped my share of lasagna and chicken on the floor, well blame it on that strategic spot) Yes, and the live music wasn't bad either. The violin quartet was pretty impressive! Ya know how watching some real talented people perform makes you feel sorry for yourself? Yea, I got that kind of feeling but at the same time I was very inspired to takeup an instrument!

I noticed that as friendships get older, the things we do together mature with age too. Looking back, we used to act like a bunch of insufferable morons, doing fun silly things together; lso fresh and naive. And yet now, we would rather hang out at some bar or pub chilling, talking and drinking. It's a different kind of feeling that you get when you hang out with different friends. With the friends you have known for the longest time, that even though it seems to be less exciting as before, it's an old yet familar and comfortable feeling.

Oh and it's PRESENTS time!
I got these from friends :)


(sketchbook, graphite pencils and a keychain from sufi :))


I named it Auburnia cos it looks like it wants to be called something that starts with an A.
Ooo! and pencils made entirely out of graphite! It's an indulgence that I got for free!!! :))

And last but not least!



It's JUNSU the lamb/ soccer player!! (seen here with his box house).
He also made an appearance in my porfile pic btw. That's because my fellow dongsaengs Astrid and Mobab gave me a really really early belated birthday present. Thanks guys! Kamsaaaa~ (and yes mobab I didn't forget about him on my birthday :))

And lots of kamsaa to all those who wished me Happy Birthday!!!

Lots of things to anticipate this week! Korean class again on tuesday, WOOT! Guitar heroe-ing! And also Teerotic! Oh and somebody's birthday is coming soon too...

Til then!
Bibs